I wish that I could spend just one day behind these little eyes. To view the worl with such innocence again. To not have a worry or a care in the world. To remind myself of what things are supposed to be like. I have noticed the past couple days that the more love, affection, and attention I show Izzy the less she cries & fusses. All she wants is our love & attention. I am so blessed to be the one that is able to give that to her. I never imagined myself being pregnant or having a child, but when I met her father I had this intence urge to have a child. I loved him so much that I wanted to experience creating a life that was a little part of both of us and share all the experiences that come with raising a child. Izzy has been the best thing that I could ever imagine experiencing in this life. It is when I look into those little eyes that I know God exsists because God could only create a being so beautiful and to me, perfect in every imaginable way. It almost saddens me that one day she will be exposed to this world and all of it's craziness. I know that as the days go by, she will grow and grow, and this will bring about all new issues and I will have to ask myself what should I do or say that is best for her. God should send a manual with each child teaching us what to do and how to raise them so they turn out to be happy, safe, and healthy adults and teenagers. But not so lucky for me, no such guidance exsists. I am 26 years old and have yet to learn alot about this life and this world. So what do I do when I don't know what to do? Anyone would tell me, all you can do is your best. When you love a person this much and this is the one part of your life you can't stand to do a less than perfect job at, you never feel like your best is good enough. Learning to live in the hear and now and constantly reminding myself to enjoy and be grateful for every day that I have here is not as easy to do as it seems. I try to tell myself everyday that I am not promised tomorrow. As easy as it once was just not worry about anything, these days, as a mother, I find it hard not to worry about almost everything. Every day of my life has been brighter, happier, more joyous, filled with love, and ofcourse noisier since December of 07, at ten to six in the morning when my little Izzy made her grand entrance into this world.
Until next time.........
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